Good conflict is when people want mutually exclusive, life-changing things.
GOOD CONFLICT:
Jenny’s father wants her to quit school so she can nurse her chronically ill grandmother and he can keep his job as a long-haul truck driver. Jenny wants him to sign a letter of consent for a prestigious military academy so she can learn to fly jets.
- Only one of them is going to get what they want, and it is life-changing in both directions.
- Each of them needs the other to back down so they can get what they want.
- Someone is going to win and someone is going to lose.
BAD CONFLICT:
Jenny’s father wants her to nurse her grandmother. Jenny wants to win a baking competition so she can open her own cake shop.
- They want different things, but they can figure out how to compromise.
- This isn’t the only way to open a cake shop. There’s not a lot at stake.
- There’s no timelock on it. Jenny can open a cake shop tomorrow or six months from now or next year. No tension.
Give good conflict to up your game.